According to the internet, social media has killed the art of conversation. It's the reason teens can't make eye contact anymore, why they have the attention spans of goldfish, why they're increasingly reclusive and anti-social. 

 And have you heard about social media addiction? Addicts can "spend six hours or more contributing to the chatter at the expense of time for actual work." 

As far as author, social media expert and youth researcher danah boyd is concerned, the internet is being melodramatic. In her latest book, 

It's Complicated: the social lives of networked teens

, boyd debunks some of the most prominent myths that surround social media and the teens that populate it. We caught up with boyd to learn more about these misconceptions and the cross-generational barrier they contribute to.

"The internet is nothing more than a release valve to changes that have happened in the real world," claims boyd. "Young people don't have access to as many physical modes of transportation that would allow them to get together and hang out anymore." As an overbearing generation of helicopter parents anxiously watches over their kids, the internet provides a lifeline to the outside world. "It's a way of knowing you can get together with your friends, even if you can't get out of the house," says boyd. 

Understanding the way teens use social media starts with how they portray themselves on these platforms. "Young people use all of the tools available to them to figure out who they are," says boyd. "In the online environment you don't have your body, so you have to figure out how to write yourself into being – how to explicitly express yourself." And while traditionally this might've been achieved through dressing like your favourite musician or hanging out with a certain social group in public, much of modern self-expression is carried out in a digital format. 

A great example of this is the selfie phenomenon, which has been brought to the forefront of the media's attention in recent years off the back of the success of the 

 caused by blogs like Selfies at Funerals and Selfies at Serious Places. While the concept of taking a picture of yourself is hardly new – "it's something we used to do with Polaroids," says boyd – there's more to the modern self-portrait than simply looking cute (though that's often important, too). "Now you have a camera in your pocket all the time, and easy ways of sharing from that device," says boyd. "In turn, photos are taken to mark locations. It's a way of saying, 'I am here, I am with these people, I am in this context.' And again, young people do this because there's no physicality online. It's not about image culture, it's about locating oneself." 

Young people take selfies because there's no physicality online. It's not about image culture – it's about locating oneself

And it's about constantly building upon this narrative. While adults worry about privacy and the dangers involved with sharing online, teens are shrewder than many think when it comes to sharing, deliberately curating their digital lives in a way that enables them to maintain control in real social situations. boyd recalls asking one young woman why she posted so many embarrassing photos of herself online. "She laughed and told me that it was a lot safer if she shared her photos and put them into context with what she wrote, because she knew that her friends also had those photos," she says. "By taking pre-emptive action and mocking herself through dismissive messages, she undermined her friends’ ability to define the situation differently." 

And by offering friends and classmates this curated or 'light version' of their lives, teens are able to keep what they 

 want private away from public view. "It has this beautiful celebrity dynamic," says boyd. "I remember seeing an interview with Angelina Jolie when she was married to Billy Bob Thornton, and a journalist was asking her how it felt to be part of the most oversharing couple in Hollywood. She said, 'The more I share, the less you ask.'" For those who've grown up in a culture of sharing, this celebrity-esque attitude is natural. "They're very aware of the adults watching over them and the culture of surveillance," explains boyd. "They're trying to find a way to connect with public life whilst not actually sharing 

The internet is just another tool for teens to express themselves

But self-exploration online is not just an extension of the physical world. While teens would once primarily judge each other on looks, dress sense, and other traditionally physical means of discerning 'coolness', the internet has added another dimension to this. "It's more about the things you 

," says boyd. "Whether it's an image or a piece of content, that's what gets acknowledged." 

Yet she also emphasises that the same social laws are still being followed – the internet just provides another method for teens to express who they are. "What they're trying to say isn't significantly different, but they're using different tools to see how well what they're saying is received," she explains. "If you put something out there, you're either going to get kudos or someone's going to roll their eyes at you. It's the same as wearing something to school and people judging you for it. 

This social aspect of teen internet usage is integral, says boyd. "Everyone focuses on technology from the addiction angle, but ultimately young people want to hang out with their friends," she explains. "I always joke that they're not addicted to the technology, they're addicted to their friends – when the technology doesn't enable them to communicate with their friends, they’re not interested in the technology." 

Teens are actually far more aware of privacy than their parents might believe

And while adults fret over how young people's social skills are being affected by social media, boyd is keen to point out that face-to-face communication still trumps all others, with friendships between teens still predominantly school-driven. "They just want to interact without parents' surveillance," she says. "Many teens simply don't have that option. So if it's a choice between surveillance from parents or being left alone online, they'll always choose online." 

This hunger for real-world communication is so real that much of the way social media is used seems to emulate the social hierarchies that are seen in high schools. "They want to figure out where they fit into the world," says boyd. "Everything comes back down to that. The one thing young people have control over is popularity and status. So they become obsessed with understanding social laws, understanding their place amongst them and trying to shape that place." 

The one thing young people have control over is popularity and status. So they become obsessed with understanding social laws, understanding their place amongst them and trying to shape that place

And no, admits boyd, that doesn't always translate into exclusive interaction with classmates – validation from the mass population of the internet can also lead to real-world popularity. "It's great to have followers on Instagram that you don't know, because that means you're cool," says boyd. "It's great to get however many views on your YouTube video that you thought was funny, because it means other people do too." 

And with every 'Like', retweet and follow – from friends and strangers alike – teens are learning what's acceptable and what's not amongst an extended peer group. "In my teen years we used to dress in the way we thought made us look cool, and then we'd go to the mall," says boyd. "We paraded the mall to be acknowledged, even if we just got looks or a nod. Online there's no physical way of nodding. That's what a 'Like' is." 

Confiscating technology doesn’t address the real issues behind cyberbullying

And like high school, the internet can be both nasty and nice

One of the most complicated issues parents and teens face on the internet is cyberbullying. Numerous studies show that bullying and cyberbullying have been gradually rising, amongst both students considered 'outcasts' and those deemed to be 'popular'. 

 In turn, parents argue that social media enables bullying to continue at home, with cyberbullying now the top fear for US parents – one in three parents of 12- to 17-year-olds cite it as their greatest worry. 

Yet boyd’s research highlights a very different perspective. "When I talk to teenagers about this, their opinions don't line up with parents'," she explains. "In fact, what they're saying is that the support and love continues at home, too. In other words, their friends rally around them and say, 'Don't listen to those mean people, I love you'." 

As a result, a phenomenon boyd calls digital self-harm has emerged. “We've reached a point where a lot of the most hurtful messages posted are not posted by strangers anonymously,” she says. “They're not even posted by peers anonymously. Teens are writing cruel things to themselves, again to encourage friends to rally around them and reassure them that they've loved.” Such public exhibitions of self-hatred as a means of drawing attention are in many ways no different to more traditional ways of crying for help. “We used to see people do it on bathroom walls,” says boyd, “calling themselves sluts while their friends responded defensively.” 

Teens are using selfies to locate themselves in their own life narratives

Misunderstanding leads to miscommunication

And in actuality, teens don't consider the internet as any more hostile than high school. One study showed that when asked where meanness and bad manners were most prevalent, almost half of teen respondents said 'classmates at school', while 'friends and followers on social media' were cited by only a fifth. 

 Of course, that's not to say it's all smiles and rainbows online, but boyd argues that teens being mean to each other has little to do with the advent of social media.

"What we're really seeing is a lot of adults projecting their understanding of how to use this technology onto their kids in ways that are really inaccurate," explains boyd. She offers up Snapchat as a more clear-cut example – although, statistically, 20-somethings and older users are more likely to send erotic images than teens, parents immediately assume their children will use it in the same ways that they might. 

And the way these misunderstandings unfold – whether parents are trying to punish teens or protect them – is actually far more detrimental to the long-term issues. Education psychologist Dr. Conor McGuckin found that in 2014, teens enduring cyberbullying aren't telling parents because they fear their smartphones will be confiscated. 

 “Parents are so obsessed with the technology as the problem, that they think they can help young people by blocking the technology,” explains boyd. “It doesn't solve the issue.” 

People fear what they don't understand, and for adults that will always be teens. “We're always afraid of whatever their latest craze or fashion is,” agrees boyd. “Whether it's their clothing, the media they choose or the platforms they're on. It's the same old fears re-emerging, projected onto new technologies. Teens are trying to understand the world around them and they're using whatever tools are available. These days, those tools include social media and the internet.” 

And with so much pressure put on modern teens – one study shows that they outscore adults on the stress scale – they're looking for a place to escape for a while. 

 “It's one of the reasons why things like gaming addiction are so rife in countries like China and Korea,” explains boyd. “The amount of pressure young people are under in those countries is just phenomenal.” 

Yet negative assumptions and miscommunications between teens and parents leave parents more fearful than ever for the social media intake of their children. “The irony of these tools – which enable us to connect to anybody around the world – is that for teens they end up getting used primarily to connect with their classmates,” says boyd. “For the extended peer group these kids know online, they're not even interested in meeting each other in person. To them, that's weird.” 

People fear what they don't understand, and for adults that will always be teens

And in the same sense that adults need to rethink these perceptions, brands also need to understand the role of the internet as just another place to hang out. “This is where brands make a mistake,” says boyd. “They end up making themselves look inappropriate – just another creepy internet stalker.” Take Dove’s ‘Selfie’ campaign, which was intended to encourage teenage girls to promote natural beauty through their selfies. Instead, it appeared as though Dove was trying to strong-arm its way into teens’ peripheral vision by instructing them on doing what they already do best. “Why would Dove’s advertising team be so arrogant to assume that teenage girls need to be told how to take selfies?” asks marketing journalist Kate Knibbs. 

“It's a matter of a brand being useful, relevant, or meaningful,” explains boyd. Take anti-bullying app 

, which enables victims and witnesses of cyberbullying to speak up anonymously, or P&G's '

' campaign, which encourages girls to rally together against bullying on social media. Both understand the issue of cyberbullying – but instead of simply removing technology from the equation, they encourage teens to use it more, and in a more positive way.

This kind of understanding goes a long way, from brands and parents alike. “One boy asked me why his parents didn't trust him online, and he wanted to know what he'd done wrong,” remembers boyd. “He was frustrated that his parents only saw potential risks and dangers when he just wanted some space. That's the thing with teenagers. They don't just want to be understood, they want to be respected.” 

 is principle researcher at Microsoft research, assistant professor for Media, Culture and Communication at New York University and a fellow at Harvard's Berkman Center. She is a social media expert, youth researcher and author, whose most recent book – It's Complicated: the social lives of networked teens – debunks some of the most prevalent myths about the way teens use social media.

: Cash isn’t the only way to exchange value.

: Disappearing distinctions between online and offline.

: People are moving fluidly between subcultures.

Gen Z (born 1997-2010)

United States

Behavioural sciences

Psychology

Communications

Mobile

Social media

Technology

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'Hidden cost of addiction to social media', Standard Digital News

Interview with danah boyd conducted by author

'Why teens are innovators of a new public form of privacy', Fast Company

'Even popular kids are bullied in high school, researchers find', Los Angeles Times

'Survey: cyberbullying is parents' number one fear', Care.com

'92% of teens say social media is creating a less civil society', PR Web

'Kids aren't reporting cyberbullying because they don't want their phones confiscated', The Independent

'America's teens outscore adults on stress', TIME

‘What Dove gets wrong in its new “Selfie” campaign’, Salon

Has social media killed the art of conversation for teens? Not according to author, social media expert and youth researcher danah boyd - who says it's "nothing more than a release valve to changes that have happened in the real world." We caught up with her to learn more.

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