Jo Peters spent 20 years in international agencies working for brands such as Nike and Playstation. Having set up her trend consultancy, Jo volunteered with Samaritans. In 2020, she trained as a coach with the Co-Active Training Institute, helping clients make positive changes in their professional and personal lives. Jo recently studied with Climate Change Coaches, partnering with those wanting to take action on this vital systemic issue. Together with writing on consumer trends and design, Jo loves the big outdoors, from the beach in Shoreham-by-Sea where she lives to MTB on the South Downs.

Love it or loathe it, Valentine’s Day is hard to ignore. But the Christian feast day, which many believe dates back to at least the Middle Ages, in its modern incarnation is perhaps best known for its tired marketing gimmicks. More than half (52%) of British Gen Yers say they don’t care about Valentine’s Day. While more than a third (38%) of Brits said they wouldn’t be celebrating the holiday in 2017. 

 In a study conducted with more than 1,000 UK adults in 2016, marketing firm RadiumOne found that 24% bemoaned the commercialisation of the event and another 24% of couples were not celebrating because they didn’t want to feel forced. 

 Faced with the ubiquity of pink heart-shaped balloons, overpriced bouquets and kitsch chocolate boxes on every high street and display ad, it’s perhaps not surprising that many people have rejected the holiday.

Those who remain die-hard fans are still spending – a massive £1.6 billion is typically spent by Brits on Valentine’s Day gifts and cards each year. 

 This is something that experts believe may be down to social pressure, rather than a genuine belief in the ethos behind the event. Dr. Christiana Tsaousi, a lecturer in marketing and consumption at the University of Leicester, says: “Even going for dinner means you have to eat the ‘special’ menu or the shops are covered in signs and symbols that 'speak' Valentine's Day... Thus compulsive buying takes place, i.e. you might be cynical about it, but end up buying a Valentine’s Day card. Traditional and social media are big factors in normalising these symbols and their meaning.” 

 Despite their cynicism, more than two-thirds (70%) of 18-34-year-olds bought a gift or card online in 2017 for Valentine’s Day, spending an average of just under £30. 

Relationship therapist Karen Doherty believes it’s an important day to mark, despite the commercialisation that surrounds it. She says: “Valentine’s Day triggers recognition of this primal need to be attached. It is an opportunity to demonstrate this need, unconsciously, and recognise that important ‘other’ in one’s world, be it a friend, a lover or pet.” 

 Set against these changing values, how do people in the UK feel about Valentine’s Day and how are couples choosing to demonstrate their love and commitment to each other?

The norms surrounding courtship and romance are changing in the UK. Many people are now choosing to settle down later in life – the average age to marry is now 30.8 years old for women, and 32.7 for men. 

 According to the most recent figures from the Office for National Statistics, the number of opposite-sex couples getting married fell to its lowest rate in 2015, following a long-term decline since the 1970s. 

 In its place is less of a reliance on co-dependence in pursuit of happiness, with a greater reliance on platonic and familial bonds, as well as recognition on self-care and happiness despite one’s relationship status.

Doherty points out that “platonic relationships are more important today than they have ever been. They can provide stability and continuity that romantic associations cannot sometimes offer. As we transition into a society that functions differently from anything that has gone before, the importance of friends and community is becoming of paramount focus.” She adds that a celebration of friendship can only be a good thing, an opportunity to show gratitude and appreciation of one another. 

 Indeed, Galentine’s Day and Singles’ Awareness Day, February 13th and 15th respectively, are increasingly celebrated, with searches up by 44% compared with 2016, according to Google. 

 And there is no shortage of ideas for besties: 

suggests 80 products, including ‘Design your own Perfume’ kits to friendship bracelets, all typically aimed at best friends; Coco de Mer’s Valentine’s Day advert in 2017 featured Pamela Anderson getting ready for a night in with herself. 

As we transition into a society that functions differently from anything that has gone before, the importance of friends and community is becoming of paramount focus.

Yet Brits are not abandoning romantic notions altogether – 49% of UK adults consider themselves to be romantic, with Gen Y scoring the highest (53%). 

 Many potential partners will now be found online – approximately one in four relationships start this way. 

 “It used to be that social circles were limited to family, work and community,” Doherty says. “Dating sites and apps open up the potential for people meeting from a much greater pool than ever before.” 

 This is, of course, not always a fool-proof recipe for success, with many arguing it gives users too much choice to invest real time and effort in getting to know someone.

Claire Stott, an analyst from dating platform Badoo, has found users have increased sensitivity to deal breakers online and encourages people to meet up in real life as soon as possible. “With limited information available, seemingly trivial things have a bigger-than-normal impact. What happens, then, after messaging starts? It takes Badoo users around two days and 20 messages to decide whether to date someone… However, not everyone likes to take it offline quickly ­– one chat lasted 189 days, proving that the path to love, both online and off, is neither uniform nor straightforward,” Stott says. 

People are choosing experiences over physical gifts

For those that do find love and are splashing out on gifts, the average spend in the UK is increasing – it was almost £30 in 2017, up from £26.69 the year before – with men typically spending almost twice as much as women. 

 Spending on the traditional flowers and jewellery is down, while romantic getaways in hotels and travel are all up, driven by the growing experience economy. 

Young Brits also appear more cost-conscious than their credit-loving parents, says Fran Prince, marketing and PR executive of online gift shop Prezzybox. 

 “Gen Y and Z’s shopping habits suggest that they are not as frivolous when it comes to money and are buying items that 'last longer'. Therefore, homeware and memory boxes that you can personalise and have on show are more likely to be in our top Valentine’s Day gifts for 2019.” 

 One in five British adults said they would be likely to give a small, personal or handmade gift for Valentine’s Day. 

’, for example, boasts almost 60,000 followers, with ideas for everything from homemade bath bombs to heart-shaped cupcakes. In 2018, some of Prezzybox’s best sellers included socks and pyjamas featuring selfies. “Unique items are always opted for on our site over your standard box of chocolates,” Prince adds. 

Gen Y and Z’s shopping habits suggest that they are not as frivolous when it comes to money and are buying items that 'last longer'

Traditional gifts such as underwear and lingerie are still considered the “ultimate fail-safe present”, but research has shown this is rarely the case. 

Dr. Tsaousi says: “What men consider as sexy or romantic and what women think, are quite different. From my research, even women might have a different perception of what sexy or romantic might look like and it usually has to do with the context the woman will wear that underwear, or what stage in life she is… For most women though, one common aspect of what a good set of underwear would be is comfort: physical comfort will create feelings of psychological comfort. Quite a lot of women in my research commented on underwear that one would usually find in shop windows during Valentine's Day, as really sexy but ‘would never wear it’ … It looks nice but would be very uncomfortable.” 

Dr. Tsaousi adds: “In my research, I called underwear as a technology of the self, a tool that women might use to make them feel good about their self, their body, their self-confidence, even if no-one sees it. A 'good' set of underwear is not always intended to be seen!” For some people, Valentine’s Day can be an excuse to express self-love – particularly for women, regardless of their relationship status, to make them feel better about their bodies and wellbeing. “Women might indeed gift themselves with a nice set of underwear, because for specific occasions and specific contexts underwear is similar to going to the hairdresser, doing your makeup or wearing a nice set of earrings, i.e. treating yourself to something that will make you feel good about yourself,” Dr. Tsaousi says. 

Younger romantics are open to Valentine’s Day gimmicks

Perhaps Valentine’s Day continues to survive because it fulfils a need in the absence of more traditional institutions. “Ritual is fast disappearing in a world of social media and immediate gratification,” Doherty says. “Valentine’s Day gives us a chance to be part of a ritual, while others that were woven into community, family and religion disappear. The origins of this day date back to a pagan fertility ritual performed at the beginning of spring each year, a hopefulness of new life and beginnings. The majority of consumers that participate in this ritual probably have the same aspirations.” 

 Dr. Tsaousi agrees: “Even though some people may be more cynical about it and admit that it is over-commercialised, the value and attitudes towards the specific day and its meaning are still quite strong in Britain and in the West in general, hence it is difficult for this particular attitude to change.” 

To prevent Valentine’s Day-hype fatigue, brands are recommended to plan micro-targeted campaigns for those last-minute impulse buyers. According to Rupert Staines, managing director of RadiumOne, almost three-quarters of consumers didn’t start planning their gift purchases until February, and a third left it until the week before. The firm’s research found that nearly half (49%) of consumers will use a digital device to research and buy Valentine’s gifts and 64% of 18-34-year-olds would do so. His advice for companies at this time of the year? "Understand the role of different devices in planning and purchasing, be aware you have right up until the day itself to make your moves and ensure you have visibility into dark social [website referrals that are difficult to track], as you could be missing 75% of leads available to you.” 

The value and attitudes towards [Valentine’s Day] and its meaning are still quite strong in Britain and in the West in general, hence it is difficult for this particular attitude to change.

Almost a third (29%) of Brits say they’d prefer to be “wined and dined or whisked away” for Valentine’s Day, which is not surprising when two-thirds of those already in a relationship don’t go out on regular date nights. 

 But as the social media generation, younger romantics are also open to gimmicks around the day. This is a trend easyJet tapped into in 2018 by encouraging travellers to pen a few lines on inflight sick bags to be in with the chance to win a pair of flights for a romantic break. 

 Meanwhile, Greggs surprised its regular customers the same year, by transforming a number of its bakeries into romantic restaurants, with a four-course dinner and bottle of prosecco for £15 per couple. Reservations made via OpenTable were fully booked within 10 minutes of going live, a week before 14th February. 

Whether single or loved up, young Brits have a more inclusive attitude to Valentine’s Day, regarding it as an opportunity to show love for their partners, friends, family members or even themselves. Dr. Tsaousi explains that “going out with friends is a normal thing that one might do any given night in the year. Having a specific day for it to celebrate it is a sign of modernity that takes social phenomena and turns them into days of celebration, however through consumption.” 

 Dating app Huggle even encouraged singletons to celebrate their freedom on Valentine’s Day by turning off their dating mode for the day. “While we want users to continue using Huggle in the way they always have, we are more focussed on them finding lasting and meaningful connections, as opposed to rushed and panicked decisions,” explained Valerie Stark from Huggle. Meanwhile, #WhyImSingle trended last year, with singletons sharing the varying reasons for their single status, sprinkled with humour and/or Ryan Gosling GIFs. 

For economist Dr. Jon Seaton, the amount people will spend on Valentine’s Day gifts often changes with age and how secure somebody feels in their relationship. He says: “Gift-giving [is] a crucial signal of a healthy, strong match to warn off potential rivals, [which] plays a significant role in the psychology behind how much people spend.” Older Gen Yers, those aged 28 to 37 and particularly men, will typically spend more than other generations – perhaps because many are not yet married. There’s also been a shift in the type of gifts high-street stores, especially supermarkets promote: “The modern-day marketing ploy is much more focused on celebrating relationships by staying at home with romantic meals for two,” Seaton says. “This is a necessary change, purposely marketed and promoted, to increase footfall in their large format stores.” 

 If all else fails, of course, it’s worth they remember the words of cartoonist 

: “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”

Karen Doherty has worked for more than 25 years as an individual, couples and psychosexual therapist. She trained at Tavistock Relationships in London and she has a profound interest in the dynamics and complexities of relationships. She runs private practices in London and Brighton, working within a psychodynamic framework and cognitive behavioural therapy where required, and is currently creating training modules for other counsellors and psychotherapists.

Dr. Christiana Tsaousi is a lecturer in marketing and consumption at the University of Leicester, where she completed her PhD on the socio-cultural factors that affect women’s consumption of underwear. She is interested in supervising dissertations in the areas of consumption and discursive constructions of femininity, sexuality and the body; consumer culture and mundane forms of consumption; identity, fashion and dress; the construction of identity and body through media.

Fran Prince is a marketing and PR executive at online gift shop Prezzybox.

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'DO YOU CELEBRATE VALENTINE’S DAY?', Canvas8

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Interview with Dr. Christiana Tsaousi conducted by author

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Interview with Karen Doherty conducted by author

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Interview with Fran Prince conducted by author

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